A New Year with New Resolve
Facing the Fear
It’s hard to believe it’s been since mid-November of 2025 that I last published a blog. It’s hard to believe it’s 2026. It’s hard to believe we raised $23,000(!) with our London Conversation concerts and, with the help of so many, pushed past the $81,000 mark in total funds. And it’s hard to believe that after two years, beginning earnestly in December of 2023, of fundraising, we are still traveling this path.
The London Conversation in Song concert | Nov 2025
The Meeting House, Carlisle PA
When success doesn’t quiet the doubt
Why is continuing so hard to believe?
Because sometimes success itself can feel disorienting. Because momentum doesn’t always quiet doubt. And because when something grows bigger than you ever imagined, it has a way of putting you face to face with yourself.
When Frances initially asked me to climb aboard this massive, outside-the-box project, I was hesitant. Really hesitant. I mean, who DOES this?? It took me weeks (maybe months!) to say yes. Why? I don’t know.
Well.
Yes, I do know.
Fear.
On many levels, there was (and still is) fear. Let me tell you something about myself…
Have you heard of Imposter Syndrome? I suspect many performers and high-achievers can relate. Imposter Syndrome is the persistent fear of being exposed as a fraud, despite evidence of ongoing success. Without getting into too much detail, agreeing to record an album with one of the greatest orchestras in the world - the London Symphony Orchestra - took me some time to digest. Much like the Thanksgiving dinner I ate after our last London Conversation concert, this has taken a while to settle.
Fear of not being good enough.
An early lesson in quitting early
As a child, whenever I played board games with my older brother or friends, what did I do the moment I sensed I might lose? I quit. Arms thrown dramatically into the air (likely to avoid crying), I’d declare, “I quit!” and leave the game. I was a really fun friend, as you can imagine. 🤪
My brother was always quick to set me straight…usually with a blunt “get over yourself” lecture, which is so very him. That hasn’t changed 😅 What has changed is my response to getting in the game…and more importantly, staying in it.
At the root of all of that?
Fear.
Fear of vulnerability.
Release & Resolve
I’d like to think that at 52 years old, I’ve had plenty of time to work on self-regulation, reframing, and thoughtful reflection. This project, however, has lifted me up, set me down squarely in front of something familiar, and said, “Here it is again.”
Fear.
And what happens when you face it?
For me, it has looked like this:
Awe.
Vulnerability.
Humility.
Grace.
Gratefulness.
So, how are things different now than when I was a child and worried I wasn’t going to do well? I push through. I stay in the game because the value is in the work that is done…the strategy. Maybe my brother was right after all.
There is beauty in all of that. I’m here to learn. I’m here to grow. I’m here to share music that opens hearts. I’m here to raise funds, not only for this album, but for a nonprofit that holds deep meaning for me.
But maybe that’s not the real beauty.
Maybe the real beauty is that I reached for the hand of someone who extended it when I was lost and frustrated. Someone who thinks multiple steps ahead, plans carefully, understands the full range of life’s emotions, and - kindly - has taken over my brother’s role of reminding me to get over myself. Someone steady as the Rock of Gibraltar.
Maybe the beauty is that I made a decision with my heart because I trust the likes of hers.
Moving forward. Together
Still In The Game
So here’s to 2026. My personal “words of the year” are release and resolve. Letting go so I can move forward. So we can move forward. After all, there’s a proverb that says, “If you want to go fast, go alone; if you want to go far, go together.”
A new year with new resolve.
Kirstin
P.S. Do you know where the Rock of Gibraltar is? 😉
